Is cautiously optimistic the same thing as recklessly pessimistic?

Too much?

Hello, dear friends. I have quite an update to share! Remember how I signed up for eHarmony and joked about a couple of my ridiculous matches? Well…… they weren’t all ridiculous.

My One Year Challenge ended in the middle of May, then on May 28th I signed up for eHarmony, wrote a story about the unbelievably horrible interesting matches I was receiving the following day and was simultaneously matched with someone pretty amazing. I fully expected to sign up for eHarmony, as I’ve done in the past, meet a couple of bores, a few clowns (hopefully not scary real ones,) collect a handful of funny stories and that would be that. I didn’t think I’d actually meet someone – and certainly not right out of the gate!

Mr. Wonderful and I got through the guided communication stage pretty quickly and once our conversation was more free-flowing, we really started to get to know each other. 1,500-word emails from me were met with equally long email responses, if not longer, and we quickly graduated to phone conversations. Our longest conversation to-date was 10 hours and I’d say our average now that we’ve logged about 200 hours on the phone is around 5 hours. That’s a whole lot of talking and listening. And we still haven’t run out of topics. (Admittedly, I am a jabberjaw, but still! That’s a lot of talking!) Thank goodness we both have unlimited plans.

The only caveat right now is the distance. He lives on the opposite side of the country and lately this has become a thing among my set. Everyone keeps warning me to be cautiously optimistic. What is that, exactly? You would never say to your friend “I hope that things work out for you but I don’t expect them to.” or “That’s so exciting! But keep your hopes in the middle because life is a steaming pile of shit just waiting for you to step in it.”

One friend has suggested a full background check with drug test and psych evaluation. And how do you bring that topic up, exactly? You know, I met a guy at church a few years ago who turned out to be a complete lunatic stalker but because we shared mutual friends, nobody would have dreamed of suggesting a full cavity search and FBI interrogation.

So, Mr. Wonderful is coming to Atlanta to visit me next month and ever since I announced the news, there has been a new wave of cautious optimism. So, don’t wear a wedding dress to meet him at the airport. Got it. But other than that, what’s the big deal? I like him. I really, really like him and I am excited to finally meet him in person. If we don’t have chemistry, if we don’t gel, I will be very disappointed but it won’t be the end of the world. I’ve lived through worse. What if we approached every life situation like that?

“I want to go to a movie today, but what if I don’t like it? I won’t go then.”

“I want to read that book everyone’s talking about but what if I hate it? I’ll just watch tv.”

“I want to meet my friends for dinner but what if I don’t like the food? I’ll just stay in.”

“How much you wanna make a bet I can throw a football over them mountains?… . Nah, who am I kiddin’, I won’t even try. If coach had put me in, I wouldn’t have won State.”

He lives 1,900 miles away. Is this what has everyone freaked out? My friend’s husband is skeptical about the entire thing because he finds it hard to believe that I can’t meet someone in Atlanta. Believe it or not, eHarmony has never even matched me up with anyone within a 100-mile radius of Atlanta. South of Macon is the closest I’ve gotten and, folks, he was about 350 pounds in overalls on a tractor and had on some sort of straw hat. I don’t think so.

The truth of the matter is that my friends care about me and don’t want to see me get hurt. But there’s no way to find out without putting yourself out there and exposing yourself. Well, that was probably a poor choice of words. I think it’s illegal (and creepy) to expose yourself. I meant ‘be vulnerable’. But the persistence of their caring makes me feel like they don’t believe he will like me. Isn’t this the risk you take when you court someone across The Great Divide? It’s easy to pop into a Starbucks and give someone the once-over, not as easy in this case. There is a bit more at stake (read: the money he’s spending on his airfare and stuff) and the buildup is so much greater that a letdown could be crushing.

Oh well, I’m a strong woman. I like myself. I know I’m smart, beautiful and funny and he is equally matched in all departments. So, I’ll see my friends’ cautious optimism with this:

Since this is apparently going to go horribly awry, I’m going to go and get his name tattooed on my ass this weekend. Reckless and pessimistic!